This post is a little all over the place, I feel like my thoughts are halted and coming out like blurbs of energy. I just need to set down some thoughts while I sip my tea and see what comes out…
My dreams the last few nights have all been centred on my mother and her family. It feels like I’m processing in dream-time the layers of grief I feel from the loss of my mom in the physical. With her exit, I lost my family nucleus, the glue that held our family together, and our clan shifted what little bonds it had to a new dynamic. I’m ok with the new dynamic, but I miss the human support that only a loving mother can provide. I miss her reassurance that I’m OK. It was easier than taking responsibility for my own well being….
And as I have that ah-ha moment, I realised what a gift it is that she exited, so I have the opportunity to step greater into Self Sovereignty. Even as I type it out I can feel her energy over my shoulder, her blinding smile reassuring me instantly that I’m onto something.
For years now I have linked my energy to a larger support system, that of the feminine aspect of Source. The Great Mother is my mother, just as the larger masculine energy of the One has become my father. We are all this way, linked to a greater energy that is our parental energy. It is only our focus on this human world that makes us think we are separated from something larger, and it is only our focus that has us believe our physical parents are our everything.
In my dreams, my maternal grandmother, aunts and cousins are present. I am either on the outside of what they are doing or present but without being included. This is not far from how it is in waking life. I am disconnected from my maternal family, and I don’t know how to join with the women from my genetic line. I have always felt on the outside of that group. It occurs to me as I type that just as I am linking my energy with The Great Mother and Father vibration, there is another energy I need to link to in my awareness, that of the world family, and by extension that of the larger sisterhood of the feminine energy field (which I already play in). Some of the things my human-self thinks it’s lacking are already present now, and it just takes a shift in perspective.
I woke up this morning and noticed that the energy that had been around me had shifted. I’m clearer than I have been. What had been feeling like a top heavy, thick energy, has thinned-out and sunk lower into my 4th and 5th chakras. With little flutters of excitement in my heart energy, I’m ready for the day and it’s only early. I am sure there is a change in the air, and for me, it feels joyful and light.
There is a new curiosity forming that feels directly related to the new moon that is approaching tomorrow. There is a sense of wanting to go slow too, as though every cell in my body is reminding me to enjoy the flow of being on the minutest level. I keep being reminded through various channels that the manifesting power of my intentions is extremely strong at this time. So it’s important to pay attention to where I am pointing my focus.
But isn’t that all of us?
While sitting with a beautiful friend the other day my heart expanded, unguarded and fully present. We were not doing anything special, we were just talking. But the nature in which we sit with each other is so lovely, supportive and present that the lack of agenda causes me to respond as though in a healing energy session. She is fully there for me, not just downloading her problems for me to absorb. What is so lovely, is that as present as I am with her, she matches it fully back. What a wonderful reminder to stay present and open wherever I am.