To know yourself so completely that nothing, not even your incongruous personality can rock you, means you have reached a level of non-attachment that serves your highest good. But to get to that level of self-understanding takes some work. Paying attention to the layers of your psyche can make you an outsider to social norms, especially when your personal desires take you off the path most trodden.
But who wants to behave politely any longer? I certainly don’t feel compelled to.
We have been taught to look outside ourselves for so many things. We have been told that to turn inward is selfish. That to consider our pleasure over and above others makes us less human. But selfishness is only deemed selfish by others outside your situation, those that want something that does not match your desire.
I’ve been turning over what it means to be a fully formed human. A Being that makes friendships, interacts with family and serves the world in healthy ways. What does ‘healthy’ look like for me as an individual? From that inner inquiry came:
What does it mean to be good? In order to be good does one need to forgo their own desires selflessly?
Perhaps we’ve been sold a bill-of-goods on how to behave and our goodness is inherent without sacrifice. For as far back as I can remember in my childhood, I prayed for goodness. I don’t know why I thought I wasn’t good, and who I wanted to be good for, and yet somehow the desire to ‘be good’ was very important. And if I failed the self-flagellation was acute. I let myself feel ‘less than’ as a person because I cared too much if others were not pleased with my choices. It is possible to re-engineer core thoughts, but it takes some inner sifting and redirecting. A life’s work in undoing attachment to what others think. Can I let myself be good just because I exist, without worrying about getting it right for others? And will that inner allowing make my choices feel easeful?