I know, I’ve been away. I went deep into my cave and haven’t been back for a month. Three big things have been taking up my time. Mothering orphaned kittens, entering into 21 Day Sadhana, and slipping into artistic inquiry with a very beautiful on-line circle. Slipping inside my cave happens, especially when I dive deep into Sadhana, but the added mothering of two fur babies and a beautiful art class definitely added to the process.
I’ve had to wait to come back to the surface.
Words elude me during deep practices. All my focus is on the deep excavation of my soul and I have little left for friendships or writing. But I surfaced again, and am feeling lighter and more myself.
This time, I learned that I can hold the deeper mother energy not just for my own children but for my animal babies as well. And in so doing heal a part of my maternal energy line that needed some work. Sadhana taught me that my arrogance will not go unchecked by the Divine Mother. Durga sees all and calls me on my bullshit. So, just who do I think I am deceiving by playing small?
So, just who do I think I am deceiving by playing small?
Through art class, I learned that my gypsy soul is alive and well, though underutilised in some areas of my life. So, while I learn to honour her and listen to her energy, I’m going to see if I can tickle out a little more whimsy because I really take life too serious.
Today is cold and rainy where I am and all I want is to do is curl up under a blanket with a book. I’ve overtaxed my excavation muscles and it’s going to take some time to distill all that I’ve discovered about myself. One thing that keeps turning over in my mind is the questions about my untamed self. What part of me was wild before it conformed, and what parts of the wildness can still resurface if I let it? It makes me think of this quote by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
“Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force…Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society’s attempt to “civilize” us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep, life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped.”
so today I’m sitting in curiosity and wonder … not a bad place to be.