I hate being humbled and love it all at the same time.
I’ve asked to be awake, a clear and present channel of love and light. Sometimes that asking is light and fluffy. Sometimes that asking brings forward something for healing and clearing that I didn’t think I had to deal with. In these moments, I have to remember, I asked for this.
Life has a way of balancing the scales. And when I’m willing to see more than just my part, there is a chance for expansion and clarity. The process of becoming deeply aware on a quantum level is awe inspiring.
For me it happens in many ways, a confrontation when I think I’m in the right. Sitting in fix it mode, or when I open my mouth too soon. It comes out when I vulnerably sit in my personal truth and it is not received well, it happens when I become nearsighted and arrogant in that perceived truth, and it happens when I take no stalk in others around me.
I’ve been humbled many times. I will probably continue to be humbled. I think arrogance may be in my DNA. It stings to see my failings, burns my cheeks in shame. But the spiritual lessons are often more rewarding for the sacrifice. And each time I get softened by the universe.
So, in the aftermath, I’m learning to be gentle with myself. To be kind, and extend that kindness outward. I’m learning to bow low to the deeper energies at play. I am not steering the ship. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to take responsibility for any hurts that causes, I just don’t have to hold that responsibility like a punishment.
I’ve noticed, that by returning again and again the the table, willing to see something from a new angle, keeps the lessons deep and my ego malleable. I find that the ultimate surrender happens in the aftermath of my humbling. It is helpful to drop what I think I know, and accept there is a greater intelligence at play than this tiny human.