The feeling of alignment travels up my spine, fast and slow at the same time. Undulating waves, it pulses and rocks without my bidding, spreading through my cells and opening me to new ways to experience this world. It’s why I call it the ebb and flow of being. I am grounded and present and expansive, magnetic and full all at once. And I rock on an ocean of beingness. This energy throbs power, is a vibration that needs nothing and is everything.
As my perceptions shift I become more than I was before and less than I thought that I was. All I had to do was give up everything and nothing at once. The feeling of expansion radiates from my inner world and reaches out to touch the present moment. When teachers tell us its all about the now, I believe them. It isn’t found someplace in this world, an elusive dream never to be grasped, but inside the breast, a light, a spark, a tingle… delicious awareness to marinate in for all time.
Having read about it, my mental understanding was but a cerebral exercise that my intellect liked the sound of but couldn’t grasp. I began reading these things when I was twelve, having come in ready to do the work but not yet humanly old enough to grasp it. The sign posts were enough, enough to projected me forward onto the path of a seeker and way-shower. A perfect vow forming in my heart of hearts as I locked into the magic of this existence one step at a time.
There really are no words. People try, but it has to be lived. The layers have to be built upon like we learn our alphabet. There is a reason we don’t hand a child a pencil and tell them to write a novel, first they must learn the song. There will always be more layers, I will always be perched on the precipice of understanding thinking I have reached a goal, only then to fall deeper, and deeper still. I have resigned myself that it never ends, even as I have to remind myself to stay humble and teachable, unattached to my own perceptions.
Connection with that inner part of me has become as necessary as breathing, and the understanding of the journey deepens with each layer, forming a trust relationship with what I call Source. The fall becomes easier each time, the surrender become part of the tool kit. What I call spirituality is the oneness that connects me to all things, it’s never been about rules or alters, the expansion is on the inside and the unraveling of all I think I know is the by-product.
Today I sit in the knowing that I am learning to embody the experience of Source into the physical, the rules were created for focus but are not necessary. Let an enthusiastic dog lick your face, let a child’s giggle seduce you into play and you will know all there is to know about this beautiful ride. There is always more.