“Do you think that when Rembrandt was painting, he stood there with a brush in his hand thinking, “Okay, I wonder what my next brushstroke is going to be. If I put it there then it may clash with that. I’m not quite sure, but maybe two more centimeters to the right, let’s measure it. It might look better over….” Creativity arise out of the state of thoughtless presence in which you are much more awake than when you are engrossed in thinking.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
April 2nd would have been my mother’s 69th birthday, I held a women’s circle in my home that morning. Sitting in the deep energy of the feminine with my ‘sisters’ grounded me after such an intense Sadhana and helped me keep the container of flow through the Easter weekend. The past six days coincided with the full moon and eclipse, the energies were anything but tame or subdued, the power crackled just about everywhere. Luckily I’ve been sitting in the flow, so our Yin circle wasn’t the only form of magic I got to play with at the beginning of this Easter break, just the start.
It began with my women and continued with baking a cake. Such old and simple magic that women have understood for centuries. It was a cake in honor of my mother and came out of loving intention and not a need to hang onto my grief. Each layer was added with a thought of my mother, and given a Reiki boost before baking. Before it was placed in the oven I mindfully connected into the essence of my mother and sent her the gift loving awareness. There was such love beamed back to me that I knew the weekend would turn out fine. There is always apprehension when the family comes to stay, it’s always longer than twelve hours and by the third day tension begins to rise.
My father came back, along with my brother and his three children, Thursday evening and we ate cake and toasted her memory together; it would have been nice to have my sister home, but she lives too far away for a visit such as that. The next day my brother asked for Reiki, something he hasn’t done in a very long while. His session was intense and reaffirming to where my passion lays in regards to energy work. It also reminds me that no matter how brilliant I am at getting out of the way, all I am doing is creating an opportunity for a person to make their own changes.
Friday, the third session opened up in my Art Class and I’ve been itching to get myself back to painting, but with a house full of people it wasn’t the time to slip inside myself and get elbow deep in colors. I don’t have a studio, so my paintings are there in the dining room unfinished and raw for anyone to see. I noticed it felt like being exposed, first to my women’s circle and then to my brother. One of my women is a real artist, and I noticed that it made me nervous for her to see my paintings. I first noticed the tremor in my solar plexus and my desire to pinch of her scrutiny. I noticed my worry over my brother’s judgment and my expectation that my father wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t even take the time to look. There were subtle shifts in my interaction with the masculine energy this weekend, Reiki given each day to my husband, brother, father, myself. There were deep shifts inside of me that will move me into deeper connection with my partner (for my notice of them) and there will be a deeper appreciation of myself as I breathe into the awareness fully. My willingness to sit in the exposure of my creativity is another part of claiming the Divine Feminine, bringing her into the light, and letting her be seen. Its subtle but there all the same.
I know who I am, and that knowing is settling in fully. Today, I will revel in the color and texture of my paints, soaking in the alone time I desperately need. In the spirit of exposure, sitting in the deep humbling of my unfinished work, I’ll share my progress, knowing they wont stay this way for long, creativity seems to shift and move them as I expand and grow…