Last night I had many dreams, vivid Technicolor stories. I love when I can follow the thread of my dreams into a hidden truth and last night was brilliant.
It began as a dream where I was younger, cusp of womanhood and comfortable being seen by the masculine energy. There was flirting, and attention from several male partners that was respectful and adoring. But the more attention I received, the further away my sisters became until the girls in my life couldn’t see me at all and the attention from the man-boys was disconcerting and uncomfortable. This component of being separated from my circle was heartbreaking and I felt very unbalanced.
I leave and find a tree house sort of nest, where I can rest and regroup on my own. I’m very high above the drama and the trees that hold me up are very straight. There are things going on at ground level that I don’t want to be a part of and I sleep in a nest of blankets.
The dream switches again, I am older and connected deeply to a group of women, some I know now and some that I have never met. We are on holiday, its summer and I am invisible to male attention now, even male vendors in the small stores we visit can’t interact with me. This too is heart breaking for some reason. My ‘sisters’ are oblivious and though they can see me don’t understand why I feel so sad.
Once again the dream switches and I am with a friend I don’t know. We’re in a warm beach location on a rocky cliff for diving. It’s evening and stars are winking, a warm breeze is blowing and the dream is tinted in velvety indigo shades. My friend wants to take me to a party on a yacht, but we have to swim there. I have to dive into the water, its clear enough I can see the bottom in some places, and dark enough that I know anything can be lurking. The thought of ‘anything’ takes my breath away and I feel the fear of the unknown. But the music and lights from the yacht are inviting, and my friend knows the way. I dive-in even though I’m scared, and the dream switches again.
I am back with the group of women that I was on holiday with and they are falling away. Going home to their families, taking on projects. There is lost of movement and busyness. There are changes happening all around and these changes make me feel a little lost. I can’t keep up. (Like when I was little and my mother and sister would be talking in a room and once I entered they would be finished and ready to move to another room; I always felt left out.)
The final dream switches quickly. I am at a ball, a Cinderella type of thing, puffy dress included. It’s time to unmask ourselves, the trumpets are signaling that it is time and the ‘Prince’ is approaching. I know instantly that when I unmask I will be chosen. I’ve become the ‘Cinderella’ character and just know the outcome. My mask isn’t quite secure so I hold it to my face untied rushing to a location where I wont be seen until I am ready and in control of my emotions. This is exciting. In a small tent I begin to fix my make-up under my mask, the make-up comes from a perfectly balanced bag with equal pouches that has both masculine and feminine products in it. I don’t know where it came from, but I know its mine to use. I look in the mirror and see myself ready to step-out. I briefly wonder if I’ve made the make-up too visible…and then I wake-up.
I can’t make this stuff up, my dreams are so vivid at times and more fun than watching a movie. I can see the progress of my inner world, my comfort in the visibility towards the masculine, then the feminine. The desire to dive deeper into new ideas and to let go of what has served its purpose. I’m moving into a very balanced time, full of wonder and magic and intuitively know I can control how I feel. I fear being too bright, too shiny, just as I know its time to be visible fully.
This morning as I sip my coffee, I know all things happen in their perfect time all I have to do is be a faithful observer.