When I read Tantra Goddess by Caroline Muir in December, I was fascinated. I was put off and intrigued by her Tantric journey all at once. I began to think that if this was the way you had to live this energy it was just too high a cost. Since then, I’ve tumbled further down the path, watching various Dakini’s and Daka’s tell their story on-line. Their path continues to fascinate me, their willingness to explore what it means to be connected to Source. It’s not about sex, though that is a tool that they use as it’s fun and let’s face it bodies are a marvel.
I’ve had my fair share of experiences as an energy mover that hearken to deep seeded knowledge of these ancient teachings. I came in intuitive and able to listen deeper to my body and my energy. Listening to tantric teaching, reading, I have little moments of recognition, non of this stuff is foreign to me in any way. Just my judgments around it all feels foreign, and I want to pay attention to what voice is really coming up with the answers.
While reading Caroline’s book, I realized that my inherent nature is monogamous, I’m sensitive and like the idea of a closed circle of intimacy. It would be too easy for me to become lost and chaotic without a deeply grounded guide. There are great lessons to be learned through all sorts of partnering. Our greatest fault is being attached to any one of them with too firm a grip.
I love the invitation to openness, the willingness to be non-attached and free with my energy that my questions are bringing in. The concept of questioning why I feel the way I do, and reaching conclusions that work for me, is where I want to focus. By whose rules am I playing when I enter into relationships? Do I know what I want and how I want to be in this moment? Do I know what I am really looking for?
When I come up against a belief, I want to say “Say’s who” and test the limit of what I really feel. I love the idea that I don’t own my partner. That we choose to be together to work on what comes up for us at each stage of this journey. We’ve agreed to this partnership. Ten years ago, those were the vows that we wrote for our wedding. I choose to be here in each moment. I love that consciousness isn’t just reserved for times where I sit in meditation Om-ing to myself, or when I am connecting into the Akashic Field, or when I am running life-force in a Reiki Session. It permeates all that I do.
There is never a time I don’t want to consciously participate with my energy. I want to know how I feel and what a need in regards to everything. And once I know those things, I want to go deeper into my asking. I’m probably more Tantrica than I think at this point since I want to do it with a sense of play and wonder.
After reading Caroline Muir’s book I was prepared to dislike her ex-husband Charles Muir as a hedonistic, selfish, deeply troubled masculine energy. I just couldn’t see that this was a balanced way of living. So I did what any person searching for confirmation of their perceptions would do…I Googled him.
And surprisingly, I liked him. He has a little boy charm, is funny, and non-attachment seems to ooze from his energy. Would I choose his lifestyle? No, probably not.
Do I think he has some wonderful knowledge about sex and relationships that people are missing? Yes. We are too uptight in our culture, its time to lighten up. It’s not really about sex, but what we are searching for, a deeper connection to all that is. But since I love energy, here’s Charles talking about a Tantric practice of awareness during orgasms, what would sex ed be like if this was taught in health class I wonder 🙂