“If you’re not selfish enough to align with who-you-are, you’ve got nothing to give.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
My father is deep in grief and I can’t help him. A week ago he wanted my family to come back to his place (two hours away) to stay the weekend, he was looking for a way to give himself some peace within this grief process, something to look forward to, and I could feel that it would be of help, so I agreed.
But he’s been with us for the past few days, and I can’t do anything more for him. This morning I woke up out of alignment and deeply agitated. My inner energy was churning, much in the same way it would have if I had to give a presentation when I was back in school. Try as I might I felt irritable and discontented, so I took myself to my sacred space and meditated. Looking inside for the answers I knew were lurking under the surface I sank into myself deeply. Two hours of deep inner work and I came out knowing I didn’t want to visit his house this weekend. I was agreeing to something that wasn’t in accordance with my own wants and needs out of a sense of compassion, obligation, and guilt. I also came to some deeper conclusions about self-care that I really need to take notice of.
I still agree to do things without pausing and checking in, even thought I know better. And I also refuse to break a plan if the energy changes; old habits die hard. To save a drowning person you have to put on your own life-jacket. To help anyone you first have to fill your own bucket, and my bucket is empty. Doing things out of guilt and obligation really has to stop.
Each person we encounter has a vibration alignment that the larger part of them is monitoring, it is not our responsibility to carry other people on their journey, but to be examples for the ones who are lost.
“…how compassionate do you want to be? There are people so compassionate that they feel terrible all the time, and they are of no value to anyone. And there are people so selfish that they feel good all the time—and they are of value to anyone that they give their attention to. So we would say, compassion or happy?” ~ Abraham-Hicks
The more I practice staying in alignment, these agreements I make become painful when I proceeding without checking in with my own wants. There are so many layers to this, and I really want to go slow with the formation of my understanding. People worry so much about being “selfish” and yet selfishness is really all about being in vibrational alignment with the Self. Unless you are reaching for what is individually best for Self, you cannot stay connected to Source.
For me, being in connection to Source is my life path, I can’t do anything other than answer the call of my energy. This is going to ruffle feathers at times, and this is going to cause people some pain, but it is my most urgent desire to be the example of a different way of living. I am not here to fulfill anyone’s connection, but to be an example of the connection we are all tied into. I was not taught to do this, and in order to live this way I have to break every rule about polite society I was taught. But I have this inner knowing that there is more love and support offered within the act of ‘staying in alignment’ that masking over the ‘work that needs to be done.’ From this place, I will hold the knowing that everything will be fine, with or without my human involvement.