envious

There are a group of women who have just completed the Women’s Temple Leadership Training and I find myself envious. With this sense of longing comes a presence and purpose. Jealousy with an under tone of ‘way-showing’ is always better than jealousy blindingly shutting me down. I know without a doubt that it wasn’t my time to go to this gathering as I’m in the process of cleaning-up some old vibrational patterns and need this time to integrate. I had the opportunity to go to that retreat, I was invited through an opening but wouldn’t rearrange my family time for this work. That was my choice.

I can get that all and still feel covetous of their experience. This morning I want to acknowledge what is coming up for me, so that it doesn’t slip by without gifting me such a potent realization. I’m feeling left out as they share and connect though the on-line circle, these beautiful yoginis with nothing but sacred devotion in their hearts. I realized this morning that I have to actively engage my happiness for them in order to dissipate that resistance to joining in their joy.

 

This is where all emotions come down to a choice, I could stew and fret and push away or I can focus on the direction I want to head. I may not be able to fully let go of the inner desire to be in that particular group, but I can choose where I want to head with it now that it is being seen. This morning I took the comparison game into the inner plains and found that it’s just one more way I hold myself separate and apart. I long after oneness, and yet focus on what keeps me separated. I don’t want to play that game any longer.

 

I have my own speed and timing for things, and know that everything works just as it is supposed to. I know that I vibrate in a particular energy and that those who will heal me, aid me and teach me will be part of the journey I walk, no matter what I think I need to orchestrate. The universe is always smarter than my human.

This training has been working on my since I put my name down on the list a few months ago, subtly asking me deeper questions of myself. What do I need to work with in this ‘sisterhood’ … today I breathe into the sweetness of awareness and listen.

 

Advertisements

About Goddess in the Belly

Me? I'm one of the many bridges between two worlds. Blogging is a creative outlet for this energy to express itself. I believe nothing happens without vibration alignment, that we are continually creating as we go. Everything on these pages stems from my deep knowing that as we share honestly we transform the collective for the better.
This entry was posted in Awareness, Personal Growth, Women Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s