When I watched the movie The Sessions with Helen Hunt, my mind was blown that a therapist could use sex as a way to bring healing to other people. With my study of womb energy I’ve had memories surface of Temple life, where Priestesses were trained to hold the office of the Goddess for healing and teaching. I’ve never thought too much about it, just known that the energy produced during sex has the potential to heal others, and works the best if the practitioner is a pure and open channel. My brain made the connection to Temple Prostitutes and Virgin Births, as I realized that the purity of a person’s energy field was more the lesson than a physical notion of virginity. These were women who had done the deep inner work and could hold the pure vibration of alignment within their body.
Now, I’m in the middle of reading Caroline Muir’s book: “Tantra Goddess” and it seems to be consuming me from many angles. There is a feeling that is unsafe to embody the energy in the way Muir describes, as though my cells are recalling at time when the temples were over run by those who just didn’t get it. This is what I mean when I say that I am bumping against the edges of my comfort zone. Caroline’s journey as a young woman couldn’t be further from my own experience, and makes me uncomfortable as a mother. I’m not prepared to leave my children for this journey. But I’m curious about a women who embodies the feminine in all aspects.
Part of this book is rubbing up against who I think I am. I’m about the straightest laced person you could ever meet. I have no tattoos, piercings, or vices (OK maybe chocolate). I’ve never been to a strip club or experimented with my sexuality in an open way. I’m married to my high school sweetheart, and content in the traditional roles we fell into at such young ages. I actually feel like a throw back to another time and space at times when I share with other women. But I happened to manifest a partner that is willing to let me ask deeper questions of myself, and by extension who we choose to be within our intimate connection together, so I don’t feel like I missed out on the search, just that I lucked out. And that straightness is only what you can see on the outside, I’m progressive and allowing, probably more than most who have had to prove they live on the edge (but that’s just pure speculation and judgment on my part).
As I sink into the study of tantra, exploring what in that world makes me squirm and shy away from my inner opening I realize that tantra (not the western notion) is something I already practice in a very closed setting naturally…what really torks my brain is those who used this a healing for other people and openly connecting their energy with many partners. Since I’m in the middle of this, I have no conclusions, just an open curiosity and the desire to share some of what I find…