Each time I post too quickly, miss a word or make an obvious spelling error I get to cringe at the error, hang my head and fix it. There are a plethora of word snobs out there, each getting a measure of self-importance when they catch another person in a mistake. I’ve watched it on-line and in public, the self-importance and glee when they catch the misused word or phrase. If I’m to be honest, I’ve been guilty of the thoughts at times too.
When it’s me who is getting it wrong I hate it, and this goes for life choices as well as anything to do with writing. I hate to try, and fail at something. The part I detest most is letting others see my mistakes. The owning of them feels humiliating. And yet, I’ve learned that humbling experiences are a way to love myself even more. Once I can get over the need to be approved of by others, I find that the only person witnessing me closely is myself.
Humility is a great teacher, with lessons hid in the folds of the experience.
It doesn’t matter what the situation, an apparent ‘fail’ is never what it seems. Sometimes failing brings into our life the very thing that is needed for growth. Currently, I’ve noticed that in getting it ‘wrong’ my core worth is brought into question, and I am getting to turn over the concept that I am not enough. The goal being to transform that subconscious concept into an I AM ENOUGH reality.
How brilliant a lesson is that?
This seems to be the theme of the year, being enough. Even as I make strides to change long-held core beliefs, there seems to be a dance of three steps forward and two back. I make plans then change them, write words then refine them. Just as I begin to grasp who I am as a person, the concepts disappear like the morning fog. Perhaps to reveal to me how solid the concepts were in the first place. To the outside world, it would appear that I am getting it wrong in some way…but as I refine the inner process I really can see there is no wrong, just an opportunity for expansion on all levels of my awareness.