Before you can continue to follow along with this particular post you need to understand what I believe. One, we are all made of energy. Two, that energy can be influenced by what is around us. And three, the knowledge of that energy is information that can help us decipher who we really are …
So, that being said my understanding of energy began when I was a child. While some people find the healing path in their later years, I was born into a family with some understanding of energy and the etheric. When I would have growing-pains – sharp aches in my legs – my father would place his hands on my shins and within a space of minutes the aches would stop. He never explained what he was doing, and I don’t recall asking, just recognizing that it would feel like bubbles of warmth down my legs to my feet in a sort of pulsing sensation. It was effective enough that I knew it was helping, even if no one ever explained it.
When I was six, my friend fell down on the playground, instinctively I put my hands on her leg reaching for the warmth and the pulse that took my pains away. Later when I told my father, he said “Don’t talk about it, people will think you’re weird.”
I think it started there, the shielding and the protecting myself. But it wasn’t until my next lesson about energy when my father explained about shielding myself in light that it sunk in. Reflecting on it, my early lessons about energy were about fear not love. It seems I was told don’t share what you are freely and protect yourself from the universe, it reminds me of the movie The Croods, when the father says “Never not be afraid” … I don’t think that is what my father meant to teach, but it is how it translated, and now I have to decipher what I really believe.
I have my protections tightly wrapped around me, it has taken time to recognize what I’m doing. In the moments when I become aware of my energy, I need to mentally remind myself that there is nothing to fear in allowing people in. Nothing real can be threatened. This is not to mean I allow an energetic free-for-all, I still need boundaries. But there is a way of looking at it that is different from what I was taught.
Before, the notion was to shield and protect myself because the energy of another could influence my energy, now I just ‘ground and burn brighter’ because like only attaches to like. Sometimes that is uncomfortable, but always deeply healing.
So what do I believe in? Am I Love or fear? I know what I choose, now I need to unravel my conditioning layer by layer.