Breathe, slow down, feel … I should be repeating it on a loop over the next several day. Breathe, slow down, feel … there is no rush.
I’m still sitting with the counsel to go slow, I can feel myself like a cork bobbing just on the surface, annoyed that I can’t pick up the pace even a little. Part of the counsel was not only to go slow, but to be mindful of wanting to speed up, to take on too much, for it is only a subtle tool of obstruction. It is sabotage so I will not integrate the new and stay where I am.
There are several pieces of me to integrate at this time and I could so easily blow through them by getting busy. It’s funny to think that “blowing through” will actually stop momentum, but how often have I just got busy so I didn’t have to delve to the depths of my feelings, never really getting clear on which way I felt? How often have I though that I was diving deeper into my wants when in fact I barely dipped a toe in the water?
I feel such a need to move forward, when in fact there is no rush at all. This is true of just about anything, and it’s not unique to my personal journey. Slowing down and feeling what is under the surface takes practice, even for those who think they know how to use the tools. It’s not enough to know how to play, I have to actually do the work and sometimes I forget. I think this is called Spiritual Arrogance, and I sooth myself by remembering that I haven’t met anyone who is immune to it. It’s in our willingness to be humbled that we have a tool for great personal growth.