I’ve a crazy place in my head and it humbles me. In the past five years, I’ve learned tools to navigate its darkness, and sometimes I forget it is even there. I’ve learned to trust in my light and know it sends that dark place scurrying. When I am not vigilant is sometimes takes over, and I begin to wonder where all the work I have done has gone. I forget to breathe, I forget to move energy, I forget to practice what I preach…it shames me and humbles me, but it also makes me determined to move forward.
Through the other side of my mental confusion I can find a light filled place. It’s created within me and by me, and I often call it my mountain. It’s a spiritual place, it remembers who I AM even when I don’t and when I climb it I can see the bigger picture. I enjoy that place and strive to be there often. I’m really good at climbing it and sustaining myself at those high altitudes because it’s what I want more than anything.
Falling off the mountain fills me with shame. My crazy place is brought on by stress, and compounds when I feel a lack of control. What should be little things, end up bigger and I begin to believe the thoughts of my mind. It all seems to correlate to a lack of spiritual connection. When I begin to think I have to do it all alone and remove Spirit from my life that dark place inside me gets a foothold. Why I forget that I am larger than this body is beyond me, but I’m getting better at catching myself before spiraling into a pit of despair. That has to count for something, because its proof change is possible. I’m not perfect, but in my willingness to try I’m getting better at the climb. Maybe I need to fall just to see how far I have come.