The art of avoidance is so subtle, I’m not even sure when I am doing it, until I’ve stretched myself so far from my centre and need to come back into full alignment. I didn’t realize how busy I was making myself the past few days until this morning when I sat quiet to write. So much of life is a balancing act, adding a spiritual component into it sometimes takes life deeper than I want to go. Such are the vows I have made, so even if I balk, Spirit eventual gets me in the end.
Blogging is about me and my own spiritual journey, I didn’t post yesterday and I think that is very telling. I didn’t take one minute to connect to my guidance, or to feel out what I needed. I got still at my place of work and listened to what was required for me to be of service, but I pushed a bit of myself off to the side. Its subtle and just a little slippery, but I was dancing with the guardian and not eating from the fruit. By goal is to be in full alignment, open and authentic with all aspects of my human and spirit as much as I am able.
I’m not in beat-up mode, just very observant of my process. Hyper-aware of where I am, where I was and where I want to be. The feeling of getting still after high-speed movement is the equivalent of 100 mph down to full stop. My insides react to the abruptness like I’ve hit a wall. It has become physically painful to neglect my spirit for an extended period.
Today is a day for a re-set button, to ask myself what I am running from, what I don’t want to feel, what I don’t want to acknowledge and then be prepared for the answers to come.
I can hazard a guess as to what is really going on with me, but it is always deeper and more profound than the story it is wrapped up in. Often, when it comes right down to the core, I’m spinning a story of separation from Source. I believe on some level that I am cut off from the larger part of me, which is an old tale that I no longer want to tell.
All I can do is catch myself as soon as I become aware, pivot my thinking and get on with the business of Being.
“Half of living is reflection on what is being lived. Reflection is essential for growth…” ~ Henri Nouwen: A Spirituality of Imperfection by Wil Hernandez