For the past couple of years I’ve been actively working on the pesky throat chakra.
The energy of this chakra is the communication and self-expression centre. Through the throat chakra is how we articulate who we are with authenticity and clarity. I noticed that through starting this blog (and even my web site), I was dislodging an ancient plug deep in the vortex of my throat….over the past few days I have lost sight of that with regards to blogging, and became intensely aware of what others maybe thinking about my words.
Part of this is the visibility component, working through the ancient fear regarding safety; but I’ll write more on that at another time.
The part, of speaking my truth, that is the hardest is in the believing it doesn’t matter what others think. It bothers me greatly that this is still in me after all this time, and I marvel at the gift of this awareness…
I have already vowed that my journey is my own and I will not do this work for anyone but me. So, if I have claimed it, why have the worry at all? It must mean there is a part of me that has more work to do…
My job is to find the joy that resides in my heart and express it through every ounce of my being. Its time to get back to basics. I started a blog for me, as a way to learn to express my truths honestly, a way to set down what I am learning and feeling and sensing. I am at the beginning of this journey, my ego wants me to believe I have been on this path a long time.
It’s time to be honest and accountable to my spirit. I am not sure I have ever done this work, in this way, in any of my incarnations. I can not forget I am an infant on this path.
In the spirit of transparency, I’ll process some of it out now….
How am I feeling?
Stuck in my ego. That brings up guilty feelings, because I should know better. Shame quickly follows, because I have opened the throat and others will read my words.
I am making myself accountable.
At the heart of it, I’m feeling unlovable, because if I don’t do it right, I somehow am doing it wrong.
It amazes me how most of my core healing surrounds a feeling of being unlovable.
On the surface, I am surrounded by loving friends and family. I even like me and yet lurking in my shadow-self is some deep fears…pretty cool stuff.
What do I need?
To speak my truth, however it comes out. To take a deep breath and be easy on myself.
And, remember that I really am a work in progress. I can’t get it wrong and I’ll never get it done.