New Year, New Directions

After having a very relaxing holiday with family and entering the year very slowly, today I find that I am beginning to return to my personal flow. It also happens that today is the day I embark on something new. 

I decided to take my artistic journey in a direction I have no business following for the sheer reason that it excites me and terrifies me with equal measures. I’m noticing that I feel entirely out of my depths this morning and am glad this journey will begin gently with baby steps.

There is so much comparison going on in my mind, with me coming up short in all areas. These women I am joining are talented, wise and open to joyful expression of their souls. They are absolutely beautiful and I’m wondering why I think I could ever pass into their ranks. The insidious voice of the critic is strong this morning, possibly because I am depleted. I haven’t had enough quiet alone time. My family and I had been travelling, and I picked up a flu bug that still hasn’t left me, those two things combined are enough to throw this introvert out of alignment.

Since my logical mind is whispering, “Just wait and see.” I’m in the midst of rangling my human insecurities into a manageable breathing exercise. I don’t feel fearful, just anticipatory of what is to come. Today, my first assignment is simple, it is to pick a flower that represents me and share it so the new team can get to know each other. I have many flowers that I like, and many that could represent me, but when I was searching for a picture I found a flower I didn’t know existed and it fits perfectly into how I feel.

diphylleiagrayi

Diphelleia grayi, or the Skeleton Flower, is a white woodland blossom whose petals turn crystal clear when they make contact with water. When saturated, it looks like a spindly ice sculpture. But once it stops raining, the skeleton flower reverts back to its original state. The reason it works so well for this first exercise is that when I am navigating the ebb and flow of my being I become delicate, vulnerable and open to those who are there to witness me. I’m also a water sign, so the element of ‘water’ making this flower crystal clear also makes perfect sense. I like when new things cross my path when I need them.

Today, as I continue to come back into alignment with ease and flow, I’m going to try to remember not to let my thinking get too far into the future.

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As above, so below. As within, so without

tree_of_life_

Sometimes I just write. I have no direction, I just begin typing and see what happens at the end. Every post here is a diary of sorts, me processing visually. Sometimes it’s messy because the journey is messy, sometimes I type and never look at it again. Its all a tool for refinement. Distilling all my parts. All my words have a life of their own. They land how they are needed. For me, when some posts pop up again because someone, someplace, has been sorting through the blog, I re-read the post curiously. Sometimes I don’t recognize the words or where I was sitting inside myself on that particular day that I wrote them.

But for the most part, I feel un-attached to what moved through me, unless a botched sentence (or un-clear meaning) really triggers me – but that’s just the fun of working through my journey. Working through my stuff on the page is challenging, in a world that wants only a perfect front. What I notice is that the longer I do this, the more comfortable I get with my imperfections.

As I sit in the December energies, I find that I am introspective, honouring how far I have come. I am full of gratitude for the journey.

This morning I wrote on FB,

“Experience is a mirror, presenting your inner essence through your outer reflections. Everything you encounter has a corresponding inner thread. What does the quality of your internal connection look like?

Not sure? Look around you. What are you observing about the world of form?

This is nuanced work. There are layers to you.

There is a reason, ‘As above, so below. As within, so without’ is an essential teaching.

How is your relationship with yourself being illuminated by your outer observations and connections? Are you supporting compassion and peace? Can you relax in deep trust?
Can you allow space for ‘what is’ by surrendering?

Become aware of your inner state and notice the corresponding connections. Notice how it all lands within your body. Bask in the gratitude for your unique wisdom.”

 

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Feel Something More

At some point in your journey, you need to ask yourself,

‘Do I want to be right’ or ‘Do I want to feel better?’

When you’re ready to surrender all the threads of discord to something larger than you, your story takes on more depth, colour and light. Surrender, Trust and Gratitude are the three pillars of inner transformation; each one waiting for you to make the choice to feel something more.

What are you surrendering? Anger, fear, worry, resentment, jealousy, apathy … And what will you gain?

Peace.

What could be more transformative than that?

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