After having a very relaxing holiday with family and entering the year very slowly, today I find that I am beginning to return to my personal flow. It also happens that today is the day I embark on something new.
I decided to take my artistic journey in a direction I have no business following for the sheer reason that it excites me and terrifies me with equal measures. I’m noticing that I feel entirely out of my depths this morning and am glad this journey will begin gently with baby steps.
There is so much comparison going on in my mind, with me coming up short in all areas. These women I am joining are talented, wise and open to joyful expression of their souls. They are absolutely beautiful and I’m wondering why I think I could ever pass into their ranks. The insidious voice of the critic is strong this morning, possibly because I am depleted. I haven’t had enough quiet alone time. My family and I had been travelling, and I picked up a flu bug that still hasn’t left me, those two things combined are enough to throw this introvert out of alignment.
Since my logical mind is whispering, “Just wait and see.” I’m in the midst of rangling my human insecurities into a manageable breathing exercise. I don’t feel fearful, just anticipatory of what is to come. Today, my first assignment is simple, it is to pick a flower that represents me and share it so the new team can get to know each other. I have many flowers that I like, and many that could represent me, but when I was searching for a picture I found a flower I didn’t know existed and it fits perfectly into how I feel.
Diphelleia grayi, or the Skeleton Flower, is a white woodland blossom whose petals turn crystal clear when they make contact with water. When saturated, it looks like a spindly ice sculpture. But once it stops raining, the skeleton flower reverts back to its original state. The reason it works so well for this first exercise is that when I am navigating the ebb and flow of my being I become delicate, vulnerable and open to those who are there to witness me. I’m also a water sign, so the element of ‘water’ making this flower crystal clear also makes perfect sense. I like when new things cross my path when I need them.
Today, as I continue to come back into alignment with ease and flow, I’m going to try to remember not to let my thinking get too far into the future.